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A Small Problem

Barron Freeze had a small problem on his hands. A small problem, nothing more than that, but still, a problem.

Barron Freeze had a small problem on his hands. A small problem, nothing more than that, but still, a problem. After experimenting quite a bit with his black hole serum, he had to build a reservoir to fit all of it. It was starting to swallow up the reservoir and get bigger and bigger and bigger. It was trying to swallow up everything. Then, Barron Freeze had an idea. It was a brilliant idea, but an extremely dangerous idea: what would happen if he brought this to life?

He took a big bucket of the life-giving formula and threw it at the black hole serum and at the same time threw a leash. He had thrown the leash just a little bit after the serum so it would fall onto the creature when it came to life. The creature came to life. It was absolutely extraordinary. It looked like a giant ape, but instead of fur it had all sorts of little spaghettified rocks from the reservoir. When the leash fell on it, the creature ate it and then a mane made out of spaghettified strands of leash grew on its neck, and it began to look like a cross between a horse and an ape.

It smiled and growled. Barron Freeze got an idea. He did a back flip and waved a leash in the air. The ape did a back flip and then ate the other leash. They rocketed themselves through the portal Freeze had made from secretly taking a bit of the emerald from the Time Traveler’s staff. They rocketed off to the jungle of 20-arm apes and liquid orange creatures, jumping dimensions completely.

Barron Freeze made an edible model of the main tribal city, ate it, and waved another leash in the air and pointed where the city really was and said, “go,” while still waving the leash in the air. The ape went and ate up the city completely and then out of its chin sprouted a beard made of spaghettified wood and above its eyes sprouted eyebrows made out of spaghettified fingers and toes of the creatures that had lived in the city.

You could barely see that the creature had ever looked like an ape. It had a long tail now, and a snout that was very long. It had flared nostrils and the strange eyebrows and beard. It looked more like a person with hooves instead of feet, two fingers and a thumb on each hand and a dragon face. They went back to Barron Freeze’s super-secret lab, and Barron Freeze fed it exactly 250 newspapers, and then it ate some toilet paper.

Now it was turning white. It had white hair hanging from its arms and now was growing something different- instead of spaghettified hair it had a whole bunch of white hair on its legs slid together into two fins on the back of each thigh. It looked more like a cross between four sharks, a horse, a lizard and the abominable snowman. He brought it into a huge room with spikes all over the walls. He ate a slice of pizza that looked like a spike to the creature and then waved the leash. It ate up all the spikes in the room, got about a foot taller and then changed dramatically. It turned into what looked like a horned lizard and a bearded dragon and all sorts of other spiky reptiles put together and a hedgehog crossed with a gorilla.

Then he gave the ape the ultimate test. He turned on his rocket boots and flew through the air, out the tunnel, waving the leash as he went. The ape flew up after him, sprouting wings made out of merged spaghettified things. They flew all the way to Ruby City’s radioactive test grounds. Barron Freeze held two empty soda cans that looked like the radioactive barrels and then waved the leash in the air. The ape ate a leash then held up two radioactive barrels and poured the contents down his throat. Then it sprouted a glowing green tail with spiny spaghettified floor and spiny spaghettified all sorts of other stuff forming a line down its tail.

It roared and sounded like a trumpeting elephant crossed with a screaming duck crossed with someone who was running at 100 miles an hour then tripped and skinned his whole knee off. The Ruby Hotel almost fell down, it was so loud. They quickly blasted out of there.

When they were back in Barron Freeze’s lair, before he ate anything else, Barron Freeze quickly killed the creature with his death-giving formula until he needed it again. Now, back in its liquid form it was extremely black- blacker than all the black holes in the universe put together with all the black things in the universe put in the darkest room in the world- was as bright as day compared to how black this liquid was right now. Every few seconds it pulsed a green glow. It also filled up his entire reservoir and flowed down his tubes and tunnels and filled the whole place. A little bit started dripping out the window of his highest tower. He threw as much stuff as he could at it and it grew bigger and bigger and blacker and blacker. It flowed over Barron Freeze and spaghettified and sucked up Barron Sol, who was sleeping in the guest room of the castle. Then it sucked up all the clocks in the entire castle plus everywhere else.

The clocks control time in Solariun, so time froze in Solariun except right outside the door that led to the platform.