I just don’t see VPILF carry all the connotations you suggest. It’s an objectification to be sure and the discursive power of a label is powerful, I agree. But why can’t a VPILF have a powerful mind? Why can’t she be ambitious and strong? Or intuitive and emotional? Or have a business in finance, or solar energy, or construction? Nothing of course. At least, not to me. The notion that the VPILF comment carries the “and I wouldn’t vote for or listen to or respect such a VPILF” seems more an assumption you (at that particular time) were projecting on this whathisface.

And, as the whathisace, I, with great respect, politely resent that. As a proud third wave feminist, I believe a person (and not just the female – as feminist writers all too frequently (and frustratingly) write) is a complex personality with a plurality of facets that cannot be reduced to a single label. So whether a candidate is a VPILF or VPINLF has no bearing on whether she gets my vote. I can see how that might be inferred, but it is not implied. For that matter, it’s unfortunate Sarah Palin wasn’t a better candidate and I hope I see a female president in my lifetime…. See More

The princess thing strikes a different chord. I have a niece and nephew and I view much of my feminist reading through the lens of helping raise Lily. The aunts love to get her princess toys and gear. I’m the uncle that buys her soccer balls and throws her equally hard around the room when we play games like Kung Fu Panda or Star Wars (I am always the villain who gets defeated).

But if someone were to mistake Jack for a girl – that’d be okay. That’s a mistake. But Princess? You’re right. “Princess” carries the connotations that would be just so much weirder for someone to mistake Jack as. And I can feel (internally) my emotional reaction for the mistake-as-princess is different than the mistake-as-girl. I think it is because of the marginalizing connotations embedded in our cultural consciousness of damsels in a dress in distress. You’re version of a princess is far cooler, and if someone mistook him for *that* princess, I can feel my internal reaction changing entirely.

From my perspective at least, it seems to me that it’s not the boy-as-girl mistake that causes distress at all — it’s the boy-as-’weaker sex’ that distresses me. [And that is of course my projection on 'princess' as mediated by your post.] The only difference in those two is that one has ‘weaker’ in it. We must seek out and destroy those ‘weaker sex’ connotations, I agree wholeheartedly (and I wonder if it relates to the make-up video you link to). To do that, we will probably have to tear down some ‘stronger sex’ connotations as well.

But we will also have to raise children (even those not our own) with a skeptic eye for underlying assumptions. And we must challenge those underlying assumptions, even when they’re their – or our – own.

Yes, Tiffani- the princess makeup at Disney reminded me of the pageants- it was like little Miss America’s in princess attire.

Often I am worried about my daughter (and son) and what their world will be and the loss of respect for each other and their bodies they will have for a life time not honored as they should be and seen more as objects (from breast not honored for their milk, but for how cute they look in a bikini, to teenage sex, to drugs like meth that are destroying brains).

I am not scared by pink, princesses, gilter, nail polish, etc.

Here is where I get judgmental…..I am scared of 11 year olds Lilly plays with, that come over trick or treating with an outfit so reveling I am uncomfortable, and I wonder what my husband is thinking, for all the cute bras and underwear – which should be hidden, but for some reason – I CAN SEE. Beauty pageants for kids where they have so much make up on and hair spray – that isn’t imagination and dress up……it has gone too far! Oh, and they sell not just two piece swim suits, but bikinis for young children!

I work hard to keep in mind that my goal is to raise strong, independent women, however they turn out. And if those strong, independent women like pink, glitter, high heels and make-up, that will be their choice. (Not necessarily sure that is worse than what they might be if grunge comes back …)

My job is to teach them how to make those decisions for themselves, based on their feelings and beliefs, and not based on the messages they get from TV and other sources. It’s a daunting job, one that I’m not absolutely sure I can handle, but I’m taking it one day at a time, and hoping in the end, I’ve done it right. I probably won’t get it all right … (Amy, I remember Laura Ashely and headbands!) but I am committed to trying.

And if I already have a strong, independent 3 year old, I have hopes that she carries that into adulthood … perhaps without the tantrums!

I was just thinking about Kathrynn’s innocence, still at age 7 (in 3 days)…..
I have to say that homeschooling her has probably had a major hand in this…

Across the board, from Harmony to Montessori to Public school, i have seen girls transform and loose their innocence once the peer orientation begins.
(i’m not sure how it is for boys)

I know homeschooling is not something that every family can do, or even wants to do, but its been huge for us.

Thanks for the wonderful blogging Amy.

I want my kids to pretend to parent- (that’s such an important point, Tiffani) to explore the roles they see around them. We already have babydolls in the house, and Carter enjoyed using his pink stroller (he picked it out) to give the doll rides. Archie was much more into caring for his stuffed animals- still is. When I see Archie carefully making a bed for his stuffed owl, or Carter inventing a new peek-a-boo game for Ma~, I can’t wait to meet my grandkids.

I think my issue with the princess makeover days isn’t so much the sparkly eyeshadow- it’s the grown-ups projecting it onto the children.

It will no doubt be much easier for me to feel comfortable with Ma~ playing around with bright nail polish and sparkles than her putting on makeup that makes her look older than she is. I’ll go ahead and preemptively accept that I might also have issues with her growing up too soon.

I really want to hear what you have to say about house work, and I am thinking about the many days my daughter and I have pretended to be Snow White or Cinderella and clean up the house, which we do sining and being silly, or playing one of us is the step mother and tells the other what to clean……
That is her favorite, so the fill the dump truck or grocery cart to put away toys just hasn’t been what we latched on to. Hope she doesn’t grow up thinking she doesn’t have to clean to get the prince! But she should know that my the state of our house!

I love when my daughter plays with and nurses baby dolls, and I hand them often to our son to hold, because in the end they won’t be princess or princes, but moms and dads.

And FYI, your Parenting for Humanity link in the left column isn’t correct. It looks as though the dot-com part was left off the link.

Fortunately right now I only have to worry about her desire to eat tiny legos off the floor.

Now, as a grown woman, I do like to wear makeup and pretty dresses, but most of that isn’t pink and sparkly

I cannot wait to see this messy house justification! I’m sure I’ll be stealing it!!!