18 years

Every year, right around this time, I sit down to write a blog. I am so lucky to have Kevin in my life- it seems only fitting that I should be able to find the words to describe that life. As a result, deep in our blog draft archives are several unpublished, unfinished posts, all about Kevin.

There are posts about laughing, shared experiences and finding true love interspersed with others regarding our parenting partnership. I did actually finish one of those, in the form of a video tribute a few years back:

We laugh a lot. He knows what delights me. The other day he stuck his head in the living room to do this knock-knock joke:

Knock Knock

Who’s there?


To who?

To whom.

I’m still chortling a bit, but I’m laughing just as much at the fact that Kevin interrupted his work day to come tell me a joke he probably thinks is lame, because he knew I’d find it hilarious.

It’s more than the hilarity and the children that holds us though. Somehow over the years we’ve found ways to lift each other beyond our own expectations.

20 years ago we started dating. Being with Kevin felt different than anyone else I knew. I felt like someone could really see the me that lurked underneath all the crazy and chaos that comprised my life– he was an oasis of possibility.

18 years ago we were still sorting out our dreams of adulthood. I had an image of my ideal job, but couldn’t imagine making it a reality until I read our wedding newsletter, written by Kevin. In it he announced that in the next few years I would be attending graduate school to become a therapist, something I considered little more than an out-of-reach pipe dream.

17 years ago, Kevin, who by the way, hates heat, humidity and conservative politics, packed his bags, skipped out on a lease and moved to Louisiana– more specifically, Fat City— with me.

You might assume that we chose to move South because I had been accepted at Tulane School of Social Work, and while that would be reasonable, it would also be inaccurate. I had visited Tulane, decided it was my destiny, and with Kevin’s support and encouragement followed my instinct. I had no official acceptance letter, we had no jobs and the only person we knew was my dad’s Marine buddy, who didn’t really run in our circles.

Kevin worked nights at Kinkos, I worked days at TGIFridays, we met around midnight to play scrabble and watch MST3K. Eventually I talked my way into Tulane and Kevin found a more palatable job at Xavier University. We developed new talents, forged new connections and spent some time growing up together.

Our time in New Orleans represents the time my own sense of competence and curiosity blossomed- in many ways I see that part of my life as a rebirth– the time I really got to know myself. I wouldn’t have made that leap without Kevin at my side.

That’s the thing about Kevin– the thing I want to reciprocate– he doesn’t just see the best in me, he assumes motion toward my best, propping me up, holding my hand and urging me on. He reminds me who I am, who I want to be. More importantly, he’s willing to take the risks inherent in making those leaps together.