We’ve been in Meltdown City here for the past two days, although it seems like two years. Screaming, out of control temper tantrums over food, shoes, whether her bunny costume looks like Arthur from The Tick, you name it, we’ve melted down over it.
As I type, she’s screaming in the bathroom at Kevin, presumably about correct tooth-brushing technique.
Her friends have meltdowns- I’ve witnessed them, but they don’t seem as intense or frequent as ours. Certainly, this is subjective, but I think it’s accurate. I’ve even begun to suspect that we don’t get invited to certain playdates because we’ve inspired a little fear in other parents.
So I spend my time in between meltdowns trying to cast blame. Several people have suggested to me that it’s dietary- that if we remove all dairy and gluten products from our diet, we’ll have fewer tantrums. We already cut out cow milk, we don’t eat meat for ethical reasons, cut out wheat products and I’m not sure what would be left to eat!
Then there’s the positive discipline angle. Is it possible that we haven’t taught our kiddo adequate self-discipline? I suppose if we hit her everytime she screamed, she’d stop screaming. She wouldn’t learn what we hope to teach her though, to think critically, to speak assertively, to trust, to love, to honor her own feelings. She is learning these things, there’s just a whole lot of screaming during the lessons.
Moving down my list- perhaps, if her entry into this world had been natural, faster and with more oxygen available to her? If the house were cleaner, less chaotic, would her behavior would be more orderly? If she’d never heard me yell at our dogs, would she use a quiet voice? Has early exposure to superheroes and plastic toys encouraged a violent streak? Is it just the stress of being four years old? Will it pass when she turns five?
Don’t know. Not sure I want to know.
What I do know is she’s bright, loving, curious, and has excellent comic timing. She also has BIG FEELINGS. Somehow, my job is to help her find ways to live with big feelings in a way that maintains her connection to the people around her.
Overwhelmed much?
