In an effort to raise my own spirits, and maintain focus on the positive, I’ve started a list. I keep it in my wonder woman book, which I attempt to carry with me at all times.
A few weeks ago I took the evening to go watch my friend’s first clogging recital. There were many moments I almost turned and headed home- it was too cold, there might not be parking, I was running late, Kevin got home later than I expected, it was sold out- standing room only- but I know how much it means to me when my friends show up at the band concerts, so I persevered.
From the moment her teacher started the recital I was smiling. I couldn’t stop- the joy in the room was contagious. As I drove home, I wondered why I’m reluctant to change my routine enough to enjoy special occasions like that one. Why would I choose to watch a CSI rerun just to avoid leaving the house?
A few weeks later I started a list of things, like the recital, that bring me joy. At first it was hard. I was cranky and there wasn’t much that looked good to me. I thought about the various music classes I’ve attended with the kids and how baffled I was by the happy faces on the other moms while they sang about leaves, bees and blackbirds, while I tried to grab my kid before he knocked over another toddler. That wasn’t joy-inducing. Being in a gym that echoes with screaming kids and a pinata? Not really my cup of tea.
After some thought, watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, good coffee and talking with Kevin late at night jumped to mind. Reading a Robert Parker novel was a no-brainer, as was listening to Ella Fitzgerald, Carmen MacRae or Bob Schneider.
I’m still working on the list- but more importantly, I’m working on doing things on the list. Cooking something other than veggie corndogs, petting the dogs and cat, watching Buffy and Rockford Files. I’m cutting down or completely out things that I do out of habit that don’t bring me joy, like playing speedmarbles compulsively or eating something that is only moderately tasty when there’s popcorn and dark chocolate in the house.
If you’re really bored, and not obsessed with speedmarbles, feel free to peruse more of my list (with special thanks to my friends at Chocolate Fest, who inspired lots of scribbling in the Wonder Woman book):