The Year 2000 marked an extraordinary period for Makice Inc. Aside from recent renovations to the main complex, the past dozen months have be been dedicated to advancing the Human Evolutionary Lineage Propagation Project. The first unit has been operational for just over a year.
HISTORICAL BACKGROUND
When this project was first conceived, there was much excitement generated between the two chief architects of the project, Kevin Isbister and Amy Clendening. In a moment of epiphany sometime around Mother’s Day 1999, the pair laid the initial groundwork for our remarkable achievement. Codenamed “Carter,” the first unit was intended to extend family traits into the next generation of humans. In the nine months that followed, a team of researchers and medical experts plotted the launch of this new innovation in humanity.
After the organization changed their name to Makice in December, the HELP project launched Carter with great anticipation on January 30, 2000. The transition to a live state did not go as smoothly as had been hoped. The process began late Friday night but was not completed and fully debugged until early Sunday, thus missing the many marketing opportunities surrounding Super Bowl weekend.
Carter has now benefited from several upgrades over the past several months to improve motor functions, audio capabilities and interactivity with his niche market. Beta testing has now been concluded with the release of Version 1 last week.
Thorough project documentation is available online at http://www.makice.net.
GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT
Early growth projections for the HELP project were, by hindsight, exaggerated and na•ve. The phenomenal initial success of the breast milk supplements contributed a pound and an inch to the unit each week. Anxious reports of an 83-foot, 605-pound superhuman were premature in their conclusions.
Carter has expanded from initial dimensions of 20.5 inches and 124 ounces to 31 and 396. At that rate of growth, the fully 18-year cycle of this first HELP unit should reach an Indiana Hoosier playing weight of 313 pounds and a more modest 17.45-foot height. This is deemed to be an improvement since it is unlikely a modern Assembly Hall could contain his original firth projections.
The Makice developers have researched other third-party lineage propagation models and reserve the right to downgrade any current growth projections. Even an extremely conservative analysis, though, holds strong hopes for record-setting growth achievements for the organization.
The unit has become equipped with rudimentary mobility features. In crawl mode, Carter can achieve speeds in excess of two MPH with rapid acceleration near open doors or small animals. A walking module was only recently incorporated into the programming. Carter can hold his own against severe drunks and the elderly, but otherwise is greatly outperformed by more advanced models produced by other companies.
AUDIO INNOVATION
A glitch in the audio components of Carter that caused him to bleat like a little lamb was self-corrected early in the run of the unit. The wails can now be projected with great force. These improved acoustics are primarily due to greater comprehension of what is out of reach and a backward arching motion that powers the sound. Version 1.0 is still equipped with its early-warning detection system which allows onlookers to tell by facial expressions if such a wail is imminent.
Slightly depressed by the lack of joy and general puzzlement perceived on the outer shell, Makice developers had a smile installed on the HELP unit just a couple months post-launch. We have noticed a marked improvement in Carter’s ability to engage and delight our test users as that smile has developed from a chuckle into an outright guffaw.
Regarding more recent sounds emanating from Carter, some in the project team interpret these noises as intelligible words. There is no consensus, however, which of the sounds uttered came first. The leading candidates for Official First Word are:
“Mamma”
“Daddy”
“Baby”
“Cat”
“Hi”
“Bye-bye”
“Go IU”
“Grampy is going to build me an outdoor swingset”
Other vocal components include an unnerving number of snorts, shrieks and gurgling that serves to illustrate how far we have to go before recognizable communication is evident.
MAINTENANCE
Care for Carter revolves around three key peripheral devices: food, hugs and diapers.
The dollar value of food and diapers is offset somewhat by government subsidies through tax breaks, but the strain on resources has been considerable. Planned upgrades to consumer electronics and transportation at the facility were postponed indefinitely as a result of the added cost of continuing the HELP project. Medical care might have proven more costly if not for outstanding health coverage through Indiana University, a major financial contributor to Makice, Inc. in 2000. That funding may have disappeared for Version 1.0, but fewer medical expenses are anticipated with the end of the Beta testing period.
The cost of the hugs is more subtle. Marketing surveys have indicated a strong enjoyment level while in the act of the hug, but some resentment and frustration over the amount of time it takes to prepare and recover from that hug. Overall productivity in other areas — fantasy sports, journal writing, exercising, housekeeping, yardwork, errands, etc. — has declined dramatically with the increased attention required by Carter.
Neither of the lead developers can foresee a day where productivity will improve, but outside consultants seem to anticipate future relief sometime between v3 and v18.
BUG FIXES
The following system errors were reported and corrected prior to Version 1.0:
- Leak in male genitalia during diaper changes no longer evident
- Tight-fitting Indiana University shirt replaced with larger model
- Unauthorized phone calls corrected with purchase of realistic fake cell phone
- Car seat fears can be alleviated through manual intervention from the back seat
- Interrupted television shows corrected with Tivo
PROJECTIONS FOR FUTURE UPGRADES
The HELP project is still at least one or two upgrades away from complex mental and physical development.
Language skills will be stimulated through interactive DVD and a multitude of books. Plans are underway as well by at least one member of the development team to prepare for later interaction by memorizing “The Hobbit” to use as bedtime and naptime stories. Motor skills will be stimulated through spring and summer walks in the parks with any number of available household pets.
Exposure to higher-functioning units from other manufacturers is expected to speed up the development of Carter. He already seems more outwardly social by exposure to his v2 peers. If they are any indication, we can anticipate a greatly expanded vocabulary prior to the next official upgrade. We also project an awareness of material ownership of objects which will likely be evidenced by the system alert: “Mine!”
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
On behalf of the entire Makice Development Team, we would like to thank all of those involved with the beta testing for the HELP project. Your kind words of support and encouragement, as well as thoughtful financial and material donations, have made Carter more than he otherwise would be.
In particular, our gratitude is extended to Nana for facilitating break time away from HELP and allowing us to catch a movie now and then; to Grampy for finding ways to stop by during business trips to play with Carter and fix things around the complex; to Grammy, Grandad, Grandma Carol and MomMargie for their continued delight in watching us get the bugs out in our own way; to Meg for providing space for our Chicago Lab; to Whitney, Tim, Karen, Ali, Kari and all of our other friends who made the long trip to greet and interact with Carter in person; to the Kaisers, Corbetts, Chens, Schneiders, Frantzens and many others who are even now conspiring to provide Carter with friends of his own while inspiring us to do our best.
Thanks to those people and many others for contributing to Version 1.0. The HELP project means the world to us. It is, after all, our baby.
