Princess for a Day

BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA—In a gala A-list event, Bloomington’s finest gathered at the hottest nightclub in town (known best for their award-winning web presence) to celebrate the life of favorite son, Jeff Bardzell. Mr. Bardzell, whose avatar is quite the social butterfly in Second Life, was a vision in whatever it was he was wearing with all the pink crap he got as gifts, courtesy Apurva Pangam. Mr. Pangam also made arrangements for a beautiful pink-icing cake, broadcasting the number of years the Earth has been blessed with the material form of Mr. Bardzell. That, or the number of years since the Baltimore Colts’ last Super Bowl title (maybe next year).

As part of a lifetime achievement award (work-in-progress division), Mr. Bardzell was presented with a metallic-looking tiara by Eldridge Doubleday Four. Mr. Doubleday-Four was clearly moved by the response of Mr. Bardzell, including a move slightly further away from the imbibed guest of honor when he puckered up in appreciation.

The evening took an uncomfortable turn as dessert was served. A man calling himself Ducky intruded by making derrogatory comments about Mr. Bardzell’s wardrobe. “This is a really volcanic ensemble you’re wearing, it’s really marvelous!” Ducky taunted. Mr. Bardzell cryptically replied, “You know your talking like that just because I’m going out with Blane,” to which the unwanted guest responded, “His name is Blane? That’s a major appliance, not a name! This is an incredibly romantic moment, and you’re ruining it for me! ” As authorities were called to calm the scene, the man mysteriously vanished, shouting, “I’m off like a dirty shirt.”

Although visibly ruffled by the strange and public encounter, Mr. Bardzell regrouped admirably. He adjusted his tiara, applied some pink lip gloss, and danced the rest of the night away to the oohs and ahhs of his admiring throng.