Sweat Pants and Stilettos

Bad Mommy has always had trouble dressing appropriately, even before she was a mommy. There was the semester (or year, or two) of pajamas to class. There was the time her (then future) mother-in-law kindly offered to buy her shoes because she had traveled five hours to visit Kevin and neglected to bring any footwear.

Just last year, I pledged to wear pants with some sort of non-elastic waist at least two times a week.

I failed.

When I get around to wearing makeup, people notice and comment. I went to the funeral of a colleague’s wife, and my colleague didn’t recognize me. He attributed the lapse to the fact that I was wearing lipstick and a dress. If I do wear matching clothes and mascara to pick up Archie, the teachers notice and compliment me on how nice I look.

At Archie’s preschool though, there are some very well-dressed moms. They have a baseline of stunning, so the preschool teachers never compliment them- if they did, that’s all they’d have time to do. We’re talking about women who can balance on high heels while juggling three kids, a small, organized purse and a minivan- and still kneel to the ground and offer the standard preschool mama greeting– the bear hug of snot.

Sometimes I get distracted mid-sentence when they walk by- it’s not just that their pants and shirt match- they have sweaters, shirts, scarves, belts, purses, non-elastic pants and very sleek shoes. I’m awestruck. Sometimes, I try to pull it together, never with as much success as they do, and I’m floored by how much work it is. I wonder. . . why? What keeps them going every day?

Then, today (bear with me, it all comes together) I was watching one of my favorite Youtube videos. I was thinking, “oh, that woman- so young. I’m so past that age,” then I googled the lead singer and she’s older than me. It’s not that she’s younger and as a result, perkier. It’s that she’s just. . . . perkier.

It hit me. All those hot mamas are prepared for the off chance that they’ll run into Alan Rickman and some motorcycles and helicopters. They nurture the potential.