Christmas has always been a magical time. I love the ceremony. I love the fact that is a season, not just a day. I love the preparation, from crafting gifts to decking the halls. Mostly, I love what the season does to people, Black Friday shopping at Wal-Mart excepted.
This Christmas season, though, has been painfully short and lacking in resources. It hit me today how much my ideal of Christmas had given way to realities of economics, time and life style choices. Somewhere between pulling the car over to wait out backseat kid fights and discovering the run on under-the-counter kitchen radios at Best Buy came yesterday, I realized how much had been carved away. It is depressing.
Spreading holiday fear
I tweeted as much, and true to Twitter form got some replies both quick and compassionate. My first reaction was to feel embarrassed. There are people starving in China, the saying goes. It isn’t difficult to imagine situations of domestic strife, human tragedy, and even more economic problems then we have. I stopped going down that road when I had another insight: knowing there are people worse off than me doesn’t make me any less depressed about what is happening to my Christmases.
Once upon a time, I was routinely finished shopping by Thanksgiving. In that happy scenario, all I had to do was savor the lights and anticipate the faces. I was able to sleep, to relax, to help others catch up. Every year, it seems, I have a short-lived New Year’s resolution to return to that advanced state of preparedness. Every Christmas, I seem to slouch a bit more toward Bethlehem. What is most disturbing to me is how much of my current mood is being triggered by commerce, or lack thereof. This should all reverse course with a normal life, one characterized by a regular job and a requisite number of hours sleeping each night.
I have inside information that Santa is bringing Archie a friend in a couple days. I got to meet this friend yesterday, when he started bonding with our depressed beagle. My inability to get gifts—or even make them, time has been so precious—for the people I care about will probably be eased by hugging the new addition to our family for a few hours. That image takes the edge off.
I’m anxious to end 2008, which was double-booked from start to finish. I’m ready for next, but current has not let go. So I’ve decided to shake it loose. Tonight, I’m ending the year early with a late-night showing of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” my annual booster shot for holiday spirit. My gift to myself and others will be wrapping up the past with a nice little bow of Zuzu’s petals.
Happy holidays to everyone.
2 replies on “Whine Tasting”
Sorry to hear that ’08 has been so sucky and the season not so festive. 🙁 I’ve read before that the holiday season is actually one of the most depressing times of the year, so you’re not alone in feeling down. But, it’s no fun to feel down, I know. Hope you’ll feel happier soon!
K —
I hear you. Had a frantic gig rushed right at the end of the year up to the 23rd, never felt that there was enough time or money for the holiday I had imagined or anticipated… I think in many ways our society has fostered a very un-Christmaslike holiday season (stretching virtually from August through January, it seems).